Less is not more, more is more. I want just right.

Am I right?

Webapps are not a suboptimal way to provide broken applications that never quite do what you want while being inferior to tech from 2 decades ago.

Not at all.
Am I right?

That's why they make chocolate, vanilla, and pistachio.

Am I right?

If you're having a decaf cappucino made with soy milk the word "coffee" need not enter into the discussion.

Am I right?

Shoes are the best part of being human.

Am I right?

There's never enough time for you to do all the things you should do for me.

Am I right?

The human body needs a serious redesign.

Am I right?

The only thing that really matters is your sexual orientation.

Or your race.
Or your class.
Or the school you attended.
Or the shoes you wear.
Or your favorite professional sports team.

Am I right?

People are not like sheep.

Sheep are much tastier.

Am I right?

People say Stalin was an evil man,

but anyone who was so well groomed really couldn't be all that bad.

Am I right?

Some people really shouldn't drink.

Am I right?

I told you so.

Am I right?

You know what would make a good Valentine's Day present?

Something expensive that's for me.

Am I right?

I could be a saint too, but you don't see me going around bragging about my miracles.

Am I right?

We're bigger than Slashdot!

Am I right?

Google will never be challenged because they have a unique product that cannot be duplicated by mere humans.

Am I right?

The square root of 2 is none of our business.

Am I right?

None of you post comments because you are intimidated by my awesome geius.

Am I right?

You can always trust what someone sings. Lyrics never lie.

Am I right?

A lot of things have been invented, and they will continue to invent a lot of things, but nothing better than "Microwaveable Toast".

Am I right?

If you are awakened from cryogenic sleep in the far future what is the first thing you should ask?

You should ask, "Can I have a Big Mac?"

Am I right?

Being this smart and sexy isn't always easy.

Am I right?

Stephen Colbert should get a mohawk and wear a golden earring.

Then he would be ultra-sexy.

Am I right?

It should be called "soy water", not "soy milk".

Am I right?

Books are a waste of time. Nobody reads any more.

Am I right?

Mark will really enjoy this blog.

Am I right?

The Jews could have peace if only they would accept the supremacy of pork. Bacon makes everything better.

Am I right?

Blue ink tastes better than black ink.

Am I right?

Uranium, polonium, plutonium, selenium. Who are they kidding?

Rocks is rocks.

Am I right?

All the good TLA's are taken. Everybody should start using FLA's.

Am I right?

But let's not go overboard and start using entire words. This ain't Shakespeare.

Am I right?

Muppets are unnatural and demonic.

Am I right?

I can "Take all I want" or I can "Eat all I take" but not both.

Am I right?

What do kids like? Kids love hockey.

Am I right?

And what else do kids like? Monkeys.

Am I right?

If the President really wanted to catch Osama bin Laden he would just ask Superman.

Or Jesus. Or somebody else who works for the White House who also has x-ray vision.

Am I right?

If animals could talk they would probably say, "Don't ask me, I'm just an animal."

Also, they still wouldn't pay taxes.
Animals are lazy.

Am I right?

Rich people are skinnier than poor people because their offices and apartments are on the top floors.

But it isn't the reason you first think it is, they don't walk any farther to their work or home than poor people because there are elevators. It's because there's less gravity up there so they weigh less.

Am I right?

Building a relationship is like playing with Legos.

You start out with a bunch of small pieces of all different shapes and colors that look useless separately, but then you patiently snap them together, piece by piece, slowly over time, until finally you have a giant stupid mess that makes you cry and end up eating a gallon of Rocky Road ice cream with a bottle of Hershey's syrup and a spray can of that instant whipped cream in one sitting alone in the dark.

Am I right?

Every letter in the alphabet has a word in English that sounds exactly the same.

For example, T has tea, and A has a, and, well, you know the rest.

Am I right?

Where would you be without me?

Nowhere good.

Am I right?

Life isn't fair.

It's either awesome or sucky.

Am I right?

The bottom of a shoe should not be called a sole.

They're on the outside, you can see them, and there's always two of them.

Am I right?

Eggos should be an egg with a hole in the middle, not waffles with no holes in any where.

Am I right?

I think I should copyright and trademark the $ symbol.

Am I right?

Although it sounds healthy you should not eat the "Super Salad".

It may be the last survivor of Krypton and that would make you a genocidal lunatic.

Am I right?

Frosting is always better than icing.

Except for chocolate or avocado-mango.

Am I right?

In elections, may the best man win.

No he may not. He can't even get considered as a viable candidate.

Am I right?

Nothing makes people happier than a puppy.

Except maybe a puppy with a million dollars in unmarked bills in a bag attached to its collar.

Am I right?

Where have all the flowers gone?

Probably to Flower Hell, the evil little bastards.

Am I right?

No matter how drunk you are don't agree to be the bottom man in a "Spastic Herman".

Am I right?

Unicorns are stupid.

Am I right?

But pegasi are cool.

Am I right?

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Computers-just-do-not-work.

Am I right?

Huckabee is a great name for a President.

Or a soft suede shoe.
Or a type of pie.

Am I right?

Maybe I don't actually need both cups.

Am I right?

Anime would be better without all the cartoons.

Am I right?

Vanilla pudding would make a better bread spread than peanut butter.

It wouldn't tear the bread so easily and it tastes better.

Am I right?

Tight shoes are better than tight underwear.

Am I right?

In the future...

...archives of this blog will guide the coming generations through difficult times, like Dianetics or the Koran or The Late Great Planet Earth.

Am I right?

Nobody cares which operating system you prefer.

Am I right?

Evolution is a big government scam...

...like Global Warming or Menthol Cigarettes.

Am I right?

Newark New Jersey is the new New Delhi.

Am I right?

Ben Stiller has been in many good movies...

...such as Zero Effect and Dodgeball and there are some others I bet.

Am I right?

Commenters, I am not exactly like your wife.

Unless you are my husband.

Am I right?

Killing is murder.

So farmers should go to jail.

Am I right?

We can all agree the Writers' Strike is a bad thing...

...because it causes disasters like this blog to happen.

Am I right?

Hulk would smash Kermit.

Either way, it's not easy being green.

Am I right?

They call it an ice cream "cake", but you really shouldn't bake it.

Am I right?

You can safely ignore any email sent from a Blackberry.

Am I right?

Vampires are cooler than werewolves.

Am I right?

But werewolves are more fun at a party.

Am I right?

Jamba Juice should offer some new boosts.

Like "human growth hormone" or "Gentleman Jack".

Am I right?

Nina Totenberg is still hot.

Am I right?

Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson...

...are your guarantee of a bad, baaaad movie.

Am I right?

If you wear contact lenses...

...then you should also wear a t-shirt that says,

"Hey dummy, I can see you. I am wearing contact lenses."

to avoid embarrassment for everyone.

Am I right?

Dots are better than stripes.

Am I right?

Contact lenses are stupid.

What is the point of having corrected vision if no one else can see that you have corrected vision.

Am I right?

Flowers are nice.

Am I right?

If it disappeared tomorrow, no one would miss YouTube.

Am I right?

Blonde highlights on brown hair is so over.

Am I right?

Rhinoplasty is the opposite of what you thought it was the first time you heard the name.

Am I right?

Presidential politics would insult the intelligence of a radish.

Am I right?

This is the coolest blog EVAR!

Am I right?

No one learns anything in a meeting...

...especially if there are more than 5 people from more than one department.

Am I right?

Frozen yogurt tastes weird

Am I right?

Pie is always better than cake

Am I right?